Soul Sundays Comes to Cork: Gerry Hussey on building a better life, connection and his pride in Cork hurlers

No one would argue with Gerry Hussey when he says the pressures of modern life are leaving many of us with little time to look after ourselves.

The bestselling author, speaker and human performance coach, who works with the Olympians and leading athletes, is bringing Soul Sundays to Cork’s Vienna Woods Hotel on September 13 alongside his wife Miriam. The day will focus on wellbeing, connection and practical ways to better navigate the stresses of everyday life.

Speaking to All About Cork ahead of the event, Gerry outlines what will happen on the day, including how people will leave equipped to navigate the stresses and struggles of everyday life and how to feel happier and healthier.  He also speaks of his immense pride in the Cork hurlers after a season as their performance coach, and questions how far criticism should go if we want young players to have the courage to take to the pitch.

At the heart of Soul Sundays, Gerry says, is something simple – many of us have become so busy looking after everyone else that we forget about ourselves.

“Very often we’re focused on our children, elderly parents, partners or work colleagues and that can leave very little time for ourselves. Then our health, happiness or relationships can begin to slip. One day you can look in the mirror and ask, ‘Who is this?’

“So this is a day for people to check in and ask: How am I getting on? What is good in my life that I want to continue? What have I been avoiding that I need to deal with? And how can I get out of the noise and give something back to myself?

“It’s also a day of inspiration. We live in a world where we’re surrounded by bad news and we know how that affects people emotionally.

“This is about reminding people that there is still so much good in the world and helping them reconnect with it.”

For those who have never experienced a Soul Sunday before, Gerry says much of the power of the day comes from simply being surrounded by people who are there for the same reason.

“People come for a break and an enjoyable day out, but they also come with intention. They simply want a better life, to step outside their comfort zone and be part of something uplifting and potentially life-changing.

“And when I say life-changing, I don’t mean in some huge way. It can be the small, doable things that make a real difference in someone’s life.

“You have men and women, young and old, all focusing on what they can control and stepping away from the things they can’t. That collective intention in the room is very powerful.”

But Gerry is keen that people leave with more than simply the feel-good factor of the day.

“We’ll look at very simple, scientifically proven ways that each of us can regulate our nervous system, understand that anxiety is normal and learn how we can deal with it. It’s about giving people that sense of control back.”

Gerry’s approach also comes from personal experience and he says he is still very much on his own journey.

“I’ll talk about my own struggles, in the past and even today as a dad. Science is important, but you have to live in the real world too. If you’re up all night with one of the kids, being told you need more sleep isn’t much help.”

Gerry believes that many of us are also carrying far more pressure than we realise and that we are very hard on ourselves. 

“We speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to a friend and we’re afraid of making mistakes.

“I don’t think it’s about me telling people what to do. Most people probably know the answers already. It’s about creating the environment that allows those answers to emerge. Sometimes we’re simply not giving ourselves the time to hear the right question  or the permission to hear the answer.”

Gerry believes loneliness is becoming one of the big issues of modern life, particularly as more of our relationships move online.

“We have to rebuild a society where we understand the importance of real human connection, loneliness seriously  impacts our nervous system and our health. We need to feel seen, loved and connected.

“Social media can leave us comparing our lives with the life we think we should have, forgetting that people are only posting the highlights. It comes back to something simple, do you have someone you can cry with, walk with or talk to and know you’re actually being heard?

And Gerry says the day will also challenge the idea that  we shouldn’t be feeling any difficult emotions, something he understands from his own experience.

“I’m no stranger to anxiety or to feeling really low. I’ve had periods in my own life where I was struggling and, instead of understanding what was happening, I’d give out to myself and think, ‘Why can’t I just be happy? What’s wrong with me?’

“Fear, shame, guilt and anger are all normal emotions. Telling somebody who is struggling to ‘just move on is pointless. The question is, how?

“That’s what we’ll look at – the how. It starts with awareness, then compassion, and from there you can begin to work with what you’re feeling rather than beating yourself up for feeling it.”

Gerry hopes people will leave the day with a greater understanding of themselves and what they can change in their own lives.

“When I walk on stage, people realise very quickly that I’m real and that they can be themselves too. You can almost see the shoulders drop. Then come the lightbulb moments,  becoming aware of something in yourself and, importantly, being given the tools to do something about it.

“I love seeing people leave lighter, relieved and smiling, realising that they have the power to change themselves and that is the only real change that matters. They’ll now have some idea of how to do it.”

Gerry believes parents also need to remember that looking after themselves is not selfish and it has a direct impact on their children .

“A happy, regulated parent is one of the greatest gifts a child can have. You’re a parent, but you’re still you. Your dreams and your health still matter, and that’s even more important if you’re caring for a child with additional needs.”

It is a long way from periods in Gerry’s own life when anxiety and depression meant he sometimes couldn’t see beyond getting through the next day, or even the next hour.

“I wasn’t good at school, I didn’t think I was a good communicator and I could never have imagined writing books or standing on stage in front of a thousand people. I had to learn not just to manage my anxiety, but to grow with it. 

He believes fear of failure is stopping many people, particularly younger generations, from finding out what they are capable of.

“We overestimate the path and underestimate ourselves. Andy Moran, the Mayo manager, spoke this year about taking away the fear of failure and I think that’s so important. When you’re afraid of failure, you play small. Maybe the only real failure is having a dream you never explored.”

When asked about his season with the Cork hurlers this year, Gerry was unequivocal about two things, his pride in the players and his own responsibility for the performance.

“It has been the greatest honour of my life working with the team. I have never met a group of young men like them. Even in the devastation of losing, I am so proud of them and Cork should be incredibly proud of them too. 

When it was put to Gerry that experts in high-performance sport acknowledge that success or failure is rarely down to one person or one element, but to the combined efforts of the players, manager and wider backroom team, he agreed, while fully accepting his own share of responsibility as performance coach.

“I take my share of the responsibility, of course. The performance was not good enough. Nobody demands higher standards of me than I do myself. Gerry accepts that criticism of performance is part of sport, especially at a high- level, but as a performance coach he is concerned about the increasingly toxic and damaging commentary that can come with it and what that tells the next generation about having the courage to put themselves forward and risk failing.

“Any player that has the courage and conviction to play a game they love in the best way they could should be commended.  We need to remember that  only one team can win and that in all walks of life everyone of us has off days. 

“We tell our children not to listen to what other people think, yet when a group of lads or girls goes out and loses a game,  at times we see them being completely trashed. I’d ask some people to reflect on what they write online, on social media or in print and ask themselves: was it fair and was it informed. 

As a father, Gerry admits the level of criticism has even made him question how he would feel if his own son one day wanted to follow that path.

“I look at my six-year-old and kids like him already dreaming about playing county sport and, as a dad, I wonder, would I really want him to? You don’t want to instil a fear of failure.

“I love winning and every player does. But nobody needs to tell a team when they haven’t performed, they know it in their hearts. You can’t create an environment where, if you don’t win, you’re fair game for a toxic attack.”

And he believes the issue is contributing to the problem of young people, particularly girls, dropping out of sport.  

“We need to be encouraging young people into sport, not driving them out. Taking part in team sports can play an important role in tackling some of the growing challenges facing teenagers, from anxiety and isolation to physical health, while giving young people a sense of belonging and real face-to-face connection. 

Gerry points again to Mayo manager Andy Moran as someone whose attitude towards failure has struck a chord with him.

“You only have to be around Andy Moran for ten minutes to realise there’s something special about him. He doesn’t buy into the critics and cynics, he understands that failure is part of the journey. 

“ A lot of kids have a dream and we need to tell them it’s okay to say that out loud. They need to know they won’t be ridiculed for daring to risk everything for their club, county or country. We should be acknowledging the incredible effort that takes.

“We need to be more informed and we need to be kinder. The two words we should be saying to any young person who dedicates so much of their life to the sport they love are ‘thank you’. Thank you for inspiring us and thank you for having the courage to give your all.”

To book your space at Soul Sunday on September 13th at Vienna Woods Cork see http://www.gerryhussey.ie/soul-sundays